This challenge feels a little like one step forward, two steps back. I've slipped back into yelling; I'm back where I started. I honestly haven't been making a very concerted effort. I haven't been tracking anything, and now I'm not even making it 2 hours into my day without raising my voice, losing my cool, yelling... Am I that tightly wound right now? Life is very full of stress; I know that continues to make it a bit more difficult to keep calm, but in the past few weeks, I even stopped trying altogether.
Here's something I'm realizing: perhaps I need to slowly work my way up to the point where even 24 hours feels more in my reach. When I realize I've lost my cool unnecessarily, I try not to just give up on the rest of the day, but a part of me figures if I can't count the whole day, then why bother? I don't think I had a true idea of what this challenge was going to entail.
A few weeks ago, when I was really trying to keep my snappish self from emerging every few minutes, I was feeling better about myself. I was seeing progress! And I felt like it had prepared me better for dealing with struggles. Then a few things happened that took my focus off of the challenge, and, without the focus, I lost that initial momentum.
So, though life is still not as peachy as I would like it to be, I need this challenge. My family needs this challenge. My husband and I were getting upset at each other in front of our son, right at bedtime, which ended in me yelling, and it was making our son sad and scared. For all of the other crap we are dealing with right now, having a contentious atmosphere does nothing to help. I have much to do with that atmosphere.
Time to try again.
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