Still Trying
I'm still working on getting two consecutive days of not yelling in a row under my belt. While I was discouraged about a week ago, I'm actually feeling a bit encouraged. I know I can at least make it a full day and a half without yelling. Compared to what was going on a few weeks ago, that's progress. And, honestly, my day 2 flops are less about getting frustrated with my son and more about me being stressed about something or other - dinner being unplanned, forgetting to have done something or to have gotten something while I was out earlier, etc. I also know that there are hormonal influences that can make it more difficult to not yell, but, as both Orange Rhino and my husband have pointed out before, if I can still be friendly on the phone to someone or even civil to a passing stranger, then I have no reason to treat those closest to me poorly and blame it on PMS.
Noticing Changes
Even though I am still working on a full 48 hours of not yelling, I'm not giving up on managing 365 days of not yelling. Here's why: I've noticed that as I work on not yelling, my son has toned down his screeching. I mentioned this to my husband and he commented that in his observation, the screeching was in response to my yelling. For example, G wouldn't eat, I'd immediately run to the worst case scenario and get worked up about him not eating, which would make my tone become sharper, and G would get riled up and screech out of anger and frustration. Now, when G screeches, I am working on staying calm, trying to let him know I understand his emotions, and then walk away and leave him alone for a little bit. The other day, at a playdate, G was super tired and hungry, but he was too involved in playing for him to want to leave. Suddenly, in the middle of the wading pool we were playing at, he started to screech because another little boy had taken the car he'd been playing with earlier (and for the record, G hadn't been playing with it for awhile). I simply called his name, at which he screeched again. On the third screech, I went to get him, held him close and said, "I know you're angry that he took your car. How about we let him play with it a little bit, while we get ready to go home? Are you done playing?" He suddenly calmed down and said, "Yeah." I got him in the stroller, we got the toys back, and he was fine on the way home. I was surprised at how calmly I reacted and how quickly he relaxed after I told him that I understood his frustration and offered a suggestion to cope. I hope I can do more of that!
I've noticed, too, that as I work on not yelling, I'm needing to work on evaluating a situation before I react to it. Not yelling is one thing, but I've started to count a day over if I over-react and snap at either G or my husband, too. Yes, this adds to the difficulty in making it 48 hours without yelling or overreacting, but I'm feeling it's just as important to notice when I'm being snappy and saying rude or unkind things as it is to notice how much I'm yelling at my family. This is mainly geared towards my husband. He deserves better from me than me saying something to him that sounds condescending, rude, snappish, etc.
So, today is another one of my Day 1's. I barely squeezed through it (I didn't yell, but I made a comment to my husband that was verging on inappropriately rude). But, honestly, I still feel like I'm making progress. Here's to another Day 2!
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