The real question is: can I do this again tomorrow?
I made it ONE FULL DAY!!!! I know I did this before, but after over a week of restarting because I was losing it every day, it feels good to have made it one full day without full-blown yelling.
A few observations:
1. I got to bed before midnight. G was in bed at 10pm - far too late for him, but we also were dealing with the eating thing. He finally had a full 12 oz of chocolate milk and a couple of graham crackers before bed, which let him sleep, though he also got a full sudden burst of energy thanks to the food in his system. We suddenly had a happy, energetic little toddler again! Unfortunately, it was 9:30pm when he got food and energy back. He woke at 8:30am this morning, far under the usual 12 hours he sleeps per night, and was tired by 9:30am, but he didn't nap and we got him to bed at 8:30pm tonight, after eating a third of a quesadilla with cheese and roast beef, having more milk and graham crackers. He still didn't eat terrifically well (more on that in a moment), and I was up at 5:30am and had a hard time getting back to sleep, but knowing I'd slept at least 6 hours instead of 3 or 4 made a huge difference.
2. I started my day letting G just play upstairs while I was working on breakfast in the kitchen. Normally, I would have been trying to immediately get G to eat, or keep him down with me and let my husband sleep in a bit longer, but we were all needing to get up and get ready for church, so I figured letting G play up there and get snuggles in with dad were just fine while I worked in the kitchen for a bit. It made for a less stressful morning.
3. G ate most of a pancake this morning and had some apple juice with it. Even though there were a few shouts during breakfast, I was able to calmly help him calmly ask for whatever it was he was wanting, and I was able to make it more positive than snapping back at him.
4. I was chatting with a friend about G's sudden not eating, and she commented that her little girl will sometimes go a few days not eating much at all, then suddenly eat everything in sight, and then repeat the cycle. She said she decided not to fight it, trusting her daughter to eat when she was hungry enough. Another friend mentioned the same thing as I was talking about G's not eating. The second friend has a few children, so she has a lot more experience, and she said she just let her children eat when they would eat, because they also would go through phases where they just didn't want to eat much at all. I told the first friend I had been choosing to fight it, which ultimately had been resulting in unhappiness, especially with me jumping to conclusions about things that hadn't happened yet. As I said it, I started to realize how ridiculous it was for me to be fighting something that was just normal. The pediatrician who was a God-send when G turned one (a fill-in for our regular pediatrician who was on leave at the time) had said that children are very good at not dying and not starving. Some days, especially as toddlers, they eat like birds, and other days they eat like ravenous beasts, but their bodies are in flux and some days, they need more food than others. So, this evening, I tried letting it go, and letting G just eat when he wanted to eat and eat what he wanted to eat. I realized if he wakes in the middle of the night starving, I can make him a sandwich, and we'll get back in bed, and it will all be fine because we've survived it all many, many times before.
5. G still screeched plenty, but I was able to more calmly think about the fact that, being a few months from 3, he might be going through that emotional growing stage that is getting to be known as the Emotional 3's. I told my husband that friends had said, "You hear plenty about the Terrible Two's, but nobody tells you about the Emotional Three's!" Husband replied, "Well, somebody apparently told YOU about it." My reply back, "Word's getting around!" It totally diffused the stress from hearing Screech as I was getting him in bed for a nap.
6. I need to let go of my stress more, and let myself be loved. My instant reaction to stress is to clam up, lash out, retract from help, and even scorn the help that might be offered to me. Sounds great, right? Asking my husband for help today, going to him to talk about my being tired with G's screeching, letting him give me a hug and encourage me...it was much better than the alternative which I've been going with the past week. I keep acting like I'm in this alone. I didn't grow up with a good role model for how to work with a spouse; I'm still learning how to ask for help, and how to accept help that is offered without biting the hand offering it and taking the offer as an insult to my ability (or inability) to handle things. Learning that it's okay to admit that I'm not perfect and that I do need help is taking a lot of time, but I hope that I get better at it as I continue with this challenge.
Speaking about the challenge: I'm still working on the technical aspects of the challenge. My husband did comment that though I'd been having a tough time, he had been seeing progress in me. Even though I was feeling really down yesterday, and feeling like I just hadn't been able to make even a miniscule iota of progress, he said he HAD seen some progress. I know this isn't going to happen overnight, but I need to give myself credit for continuing to try.
And hey, I made it! Time to get ready for bed so I can have a shot at making it again tomorrow!
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